It is damned difficult not to feel anything.Vincent van Gogh, from The Complete Letters (via unreasonablyme)
I crave the touch, the attention from guys.
I need them to want me, but I never specify how.
I recall memories of sexual encounters and how that felt, and though it felt nice, it also felt empty.
The fact they were only there for my physical being, which isn’t even decent, just makes me feel empty.
But they never know that. Never know that every time they leave I get a little more empty.
How I can’t imagine why they were even here in the first place and I don’t blame them for leaving, because I’d leave to.
But sometimes before they leave, they’ll come up behind me and hug me. They’ll kiss the back of my head, turn me around to tell me I’m beautiful and then kiss my lips.
But that’s just the thing. They leave and they may never come back.
Some days I don’t know how I handle it. How I handle being used and then left time and time again.
But I guess that just comes with time and being empty.
I just want someone to hang out with me. To hold my hand. To watch movies with me and make jokes the entire time. To tell me I’m pretty and then make a stupid joke so I end up laughing because he knows I’m terrible at taking compliments and it’s easier to swallow it that way. Someone to walk around with and just be together. Someone who can teach me as much as I can teach them. To have intelligent and meaningful conversations with. I just need someone who understands.
But that won’t happen so I’ll just spend the rest of my life being used and empty inside.
I may not have any special talents but I can recite every word Groot said in guardians of the galaxy